Has to be voluntary to work! Do both parties want resolution?  Can they express reasons for discomfort/distress?  Can mediator control and sustain process (needs to be safe)?  Are all parties committed to keeping agreement in long term?

“Everybody does that” – groups allow individuals to fail to take responsibility for behaviour.

Ideally fix teams before getting to point of mediating between 2 (or more) individuals!

Issues typically:

  • inequity/fairness
  • annoyance
  • hurt (esp respect, valued)
  • disagreements (even though healthy!)
  • competition

Good attention – focus, openness, impartiality, caring, withholding judgment.

Stages – before meeting face to face.

  1. Tell story, compare before and after, what changed?  But acknowledge qualities in others (start to shift thinking!).  Define issues.
  2. What could a future look like?
  3. How do we get there?  What is most important to you?  What could you live with?  Honesty essential!

Then write introductory statement before sitting down face to face.

(Andrew Graham, Diane Swanson)